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What to do about the pain of rejection

If you are struggling like Bridget below, you will find this piece of writing useful. I am most certainly no stranger to rejection or feelings of unlovableness that this video below illustrates so beautifully.

The footage of Bridget is funny because of course, we have all been there, heartbreak hotel. Rejection is common to everyone, but it can be particularly painful for people with low self esteem who already don’t believe in their lovableness and who end up choosing partners that confirm rather than disprove their lovableness. I think for the sake of self-esteem and healthy lives, we have to learn how to love ourselves.

I am the self-professed self-love therapist, and I have a real interest in how we can maintain and support ourselves as solo creatures. I have also struggled with co-dependency and thanks to many

many Disney movies I believed for a very long time that a Prince would save me. Emotionally avoidant and terrified of rejection, my life was a mishmash of rubbish relationships confirming my insecurities. I also went through a very long time of abandoning myself. I am passionate about self-love because when I started to love myself and support myself things changed.

We fear rejection because it causes pain and in some cases, shame

So lets look at rejection first. This is going to be an overview for you. We fear rejection because it causes pain and in some cases, shame, we are wired to avoid it because pain signals danger. We also prevent rejection. After all, our primitive mind equates being rejected from the group as equivalent to death because we always survived in groups and in our ancient past survival meant being a part of the group. Rejection from people we love can also tap wounds of abandonment and shame from our childhood where we experienced that being ourselves could often get us rejected by our parents. As a child, this rejection threatens their survival. So we can spend life avoiding rejection because there are some beliefs based on our evolutionary past that we will die if we get rejected and some based on not being able to cope with pain.

I too once thought self-love was self-indulgent and silly

Many of us will think at some point or another that self-love is an impossibility or a little trite. I too once thought self-love was self-indulgent and silly, but it is the crucial component in your wellness journey. Self-love is the buffer zone between you and the crap you cant contain. We need to get good at loving ourselves so that we and the world can be a better place. Self-love means you are already enough and anyone coming into your life is a compliment and not a missing piece or substitute. When we are whole already, we don’t search to fill our emptiness and allow others to control our happiness.

So what can we do to spread the self-love? In my next post I will be sharing some ideas for you. Self-love starts with listening in and recognising you have a right to be happy, when you act to change your life like starting hypnotherapy which can help you build healthy love for yourself you are already demonstrating some self-love. Start today, pick a small thing you can do for yourself like self-massage or buying yourself flowers.


f this has interested you and been helpful, send me a message and find out more about Hypnotherapy for people-pleasing in Anerley, Anerley is that place no one seems to know about situated in South East London close to Crystal Palace, Beckenham, Penge and Dulwich. You can also get to know me a little better on the social media channels on facebook, instagram and occasionally twitter.

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