Updated: Feb 14
The client group I help most for Hypnotherapy in Anerley and by Skype is young women with self-esteem. It is a client group that encourages me to train in the first place, noting as I did a real problem with women, people-pleasing and assertiveness both in myself and in women who were my friends.
The cost of not being assertive is your authenticity
The cost of not being assertive is your authenticity and knowing who you are and what you want. But also the behaviour is equally damaging for your relationships and your self-esteem. Each time you do it, there is a little chink in your self-belief, and people don't actually like you better. Think about someone you know; they aren't beige they are a beautiful rainbow.
People-pleasing is often utterly ineffective because apart from saying yes we also tend to care for the other person or respond to them how we think they want which is based on our values and not theirs. People-pleasing means that necessary needs of ours like being known and a sense of belonging our denied to both parties. No one gets what they want here, and it is a lose-lose scenario as The School of Life very helpfully points out in this video below. The very worst-case scenario is you get used in a relationship.
The upside to all of this is you can learn to change your response in a relationship. In Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, I see everything as a learned behaviour that can be changed, if you learned it you can unlearn it. Do a cost-benefit analysis and a think back and see did your response get you what you want? If not see that behaviour as a bad habit, you want to change and can change by learning the new pattern of being assertively you.
We all deserve to be who we are, yes, even you and we all can walk away from people-pleasing. It does take time and it does take affirming yourself and in some cases some therapy. You can start by looking at empowered people and listening to how they affirm or validate themselves. Why don't you start with the wonderful Jessica below.
The Dalai Lama said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world" so ask yourself do you want to hide in the shadows or do you want to shine your light so others can shine parts of themselves. You never know whether the person you are with is trying to please you too and if you wouldn't want this for them or in the world then take a chance and open up to being authentically you.
People-pleasing isn't an issue confined to women, of course, it just happens that this is my client group. I have had lots of conversations with other genders as well. It just so happens that I hear most often from women how people-pleasing affects them, and they are the ones who society puts a lot of pressure on to care give. I am for diversity and for people living their best life, and I want to help all people get there. My client group is primarily women, but my door is open to everyone.
If this has interested you and been helpful, send me a message and find out more about Hypnotherapy for people-pleasing in Anerley, Anerley is that place no one seems to know about situated in South East London close to Crystal Palace, Beckenham, Penge and Dulwich. You can also get to know me a little better on the social media channels on facebook, instagram and occasionally twitter.